


the monstrous feminine

by cloverfields



Category: Sunmi (Korea Musician), Wonder Girls
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-25 08:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16193507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloverfields/pseuds/cloverfields
Summary: gashina, heroine, siren, full moon





	the monstrous feminine

**Author's Note:**

> this is more writing practice than anything else but . enjoy !

1\. gashina

the first thing sunmi discovered about loneliness is that it never left. she traipsed around the house, feet pitter pattering in circles and circles and more circles and loneliness nipped at her heels with every step. she stared in windows and mirrors and the water in the glass by her bedside and saw it in her reflection, hovering behind her like a familiar. it was unnerving but her friends seemed to find it entertaining; "you're like a witch!" one of them exclaimed when sunmi turned up at her house with a body double floating around at the bottom of the front path. sunmi didn't care for fantasies.

worse than the constant presence was the smell. she once ended a relationship because the other girl smoked too much and sunmi wished she could do the same again. no matter how much she scrubbed, the smell lingered; the house reeked of ash, stale and smouldering and completely inescapable despite sunmi owning about seven 'Calming Lavender' air fresheners and every window being wide open. sometimes she dreamt of never waking up, the smoke so suffocating that it got her in her sleep. sometimes, in her dreams, it was her doppelgänger who took pity on her, both hands wrapped firmly around her neck. sometimes she woke up and felt pain where the bruises should've been.

sunmi invited her friend over, just to make sure the smell was real and she hadn't completely lost her mind. "huh", the girl said, inhaling, "smells kinda weird. there's something queer about your house."

sunmi laughed. "yeah."

2\. heroine

six shots of vodka into her night and sunmi realised being drunk, sad and alone was not a winning combination. not entirely alone, of course. "who even are you? why don't you speak to me?" she asked, but the lookalike stayed the same as ever, lips drawn tight into a frown with glossed over eyes. she was unsure whether it was the alcohol or the frustration as sunmi stood up, nails digging into her palms, and stormed out of her living room, stomping up the stairs like a petulant child. in her drunken haze she made it to her bedroom and found herself opposite her vanity, hunched over with her hands on the edge to balance herself. sunmi looked up into the mirror. "always a reflection," she slurred. "always two of us. never get any alone time."

palms up. her hands were bloody, shallow crescent moons from short fingernails embedded into the skin. sunmi groaned and took a step back, not expecting to feel moisture underfoot. she glanced down to find a small puddle of water, before looking back up to the ceiling. no sign of a leak. too drunk and tired to even begin to comprehend it, she fell back into her double bed, spread across all four pillows.

when sunmi awoke, there were no singing birds or rays of light twinkling through the blinds, but the smoky smell had cleared. when she stepped out of bed, water reached her ankles. she smiled.

3\. siren

she wailed. sunmi's legs folded and she fell, water up to her neck. she wanted silence but her own voice wouldn't stop, her jaw slack as gibberish syllables pranced into the night as if they were sentient creatures of their own. the words were unintelligible but her tone was sickly sweet. it was eerie, in fact, how mesmerised she was by her own voice when her body was so close to giving up. 

her bedroom smelled pleasantly of salt; not a single trace of smoke remained. sunmi supposed it was the water, which was now level with her chin. she felt hands around her ankles and knew without looking it was her double, finding the familiar feeling of her own palms rather comforting. she knew it was okay to sink back into the sea. she was not alone.

4\. full moon

clothes soaked in rain

just you and i walking along the lane

whispering sweet love


End file.
